Reassurance

When I wake up every morning there's an inexplicable feeling in my gut that reflects my mood for the day. And it's usually terrible.

Uncertainty.
The word alone just looks disgusting and sounds discordant whenever I see or hear it.

I fear going to bed at night. Mainly because I'm never able to fall asleep comfortably. Even though I close my eyes while laying down, I'm still awake for countless hours just thinking about random crap. I probably shouldn't call it random crap... It's what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I really do miss freshman year. Not because of its light workload, the ridiculous amount of free time I had, or the joy of adjusting a wonderful city like Austin. I miss it because I knew precisely what I wanted to do and how I wanted to get there. And just recently this year, I've been waking up with the feeling that maybe the plan that I was so deeply vested in is not what I really want to do. But at this point, everything is almost solidified.

I would feel shitty taking a sledgehammer to it.

Thank you Eric Hui

Barring the previous post that Mr. Hui decided to write for me, here is how things are going on my end:

This past week has been a vacation compared to the one before. There hasn't been very much excessive late-night studying, tea consumption, or calls to Jimmy John's compared to the weeks before.

And apparently I resemble a panda when I don't get a good night's sleep.

I'm looking forward to this upcoming week even though it's only a repeat of the hellish one before. I finally get to pick up my car from the shop and drive after a 3 week hiatus, I get to continue training for marathons, and I get to go to a MCS/MAE concert in the middle of the week--aside from the fact that I have two tests the day before and day after the concert.

More crap to follow later

Like a Cyclone....

This song is soo badass. I wish I could move like a cyclone. Holla! =)

Oh and by the way... Dave, Eric, and Shyam are badass too! Peace.

There are Douchebags in the San Jacinto Study Lounge

My attempt at a first post.
And if i'm lucky enough, it won't be my only post this entire year.

I have never really written any substantial or mind-blowing entries on these online journals ever since I started writing on [xanga] during my pre-pubescent years. I always get a kick out of reading my old entries. Not only did they remind me of how much of an angry kid I was back then, but how stupid I was...well, at least dumber than I act today...which isn't saying much. Just to prove my point, here is an entry from a couple years ago:

The age of romanticism has been dead and gone boys and girls. For that, big props to the remaining romanticists who are still looking for those perfect situations that were once set forth by Fairytale Blueprints. It seems that there's an overabundance of pragmatists floating around these days, crapping on everyone's dreams as well as televangelizing people who don't agree with them. And where's my position on this entire dreaming/ipso facto situation? Seems like I still believe in romanticism more than cold hard reality and facts. Disagree with that? Too bad, it's my xanga entry and not yours. Shove it.

Well, you're probably pondering the same thing I did when I read my journal entry.

What the FUCK was I talking about?

Anyways, I don't quite remember the point I was trying to make. You can blame the caffeine for that. I guess reading my old writing is a way of reminding myself of how far i've progressed (or fallen) from where I was years ago. Three years ago I was a pretentious little jackass junior in a small town where the only entertainment came from doing homework and going to the only movie theatre in town. Three years later, i'm in my dorm in one of the greatest cities i've known typing this entry after consuming ridiculous amounts of tea and studying for two classes.

Some friends have asked me what the reason was for my starting a blog again. And my answer is simple. In a couple of years, I want to be able to come back here and read what I write now. Whether I'm in medical school, law school, waiting tables, living in my parents' house watching episodes of How I Met Your Mother all day, or living among cheetahs, it would be a privilege to measure how much i've grown from here to then. Just like how your parents measured your height every couple of months while you were growing, this journal will help me measure my personal growth.

Also, don't expect any of my posts to be philosophical or revelatory.
They'll probably be about stupid things.
Like this jackass who's cranking his laptop music up to MAX in the study lounge.

Plug in your headphones buddy. No one wants to listen to your linkin park and coldplay while studying.
Ass.